Job Vacancy: Mothers
Happy Mothers’ Day from all of us at LoyarBurok!
Mothers! | Source: everydayqwerty.blogspot.com (http://bit.ly/mqYibl)
Family, an established domestic organisation, is looking for enthusiastic and astute individuals with an ambition to work with commitment and determination to fill the position of :
Duties and responsibilities:
You are expected to keep the home clean at all times, which includes sweeping, dusting, mopping, washing the dishes, clothes, curtains, cushion covers, ironing and cleaning rubbish your kids (and husband) throw all over the house. You are also responsible for gardening and lawn mowing at times. Even if you have a maid, you are expected to communicate with and instruct the maid on what to do, and that can be tiring at times if you have a foreign maid that does not speak your language.
To make breakfast, lunch and dinner for your husband and children on a daily basis, and you are expected to put up with negative remarks from them on how lousy or tasteless your cooking is. You will need to plan and stock up the groceries and supplies in the kitchen too.
To look after your children (and husband) and ensure that they are safe, clean and well-fed at all times. During babysitting sessions you are also expected to teach them on how to behave and to help them with their homework/assignments/projects, and when they start crying and storming around the house when they disagree with you, it is your responsibility to tame them and preserve harmony within the family while making sure they learn their lessons and solve their problems.
An important responsibility of this position is to wake up at 5am in the morning to get prepared, and chauffeur your children to and from from schools, tuition centers, piano, ballet and swimming lessons, etc. while putting up with the traffic jams and security risks (i.e. robbery, accidents) that come along with it, on a daily basis.
You will be expected to play the role of a referee when your children “organise” wrestling/boxing/shouting matches.
- Discipline Master
You are to maintain discipline and good behaviour of your children at all times, and this may include dishing out suitable punishment for every “crime” committed by them.
Preparing your children for school exams, assignments, projects and competitions. You are expected to encourage, nag and sometimes scold them in the process.
- Telephone Operator
Screening telephone calls, inquiries and requests, and handling them when appropriate for your husband and children.
- Lost and Found Manager
To keep track of missing books, stationary, clothes, handphones, keys, etc. for your husband and children. You must always know where their missing things are.
- PR Officer
Meeting and greeting people, young and old. Organising and coordinating parties and dinner functions during festive seasons and birthdays.
You are expected to listen attentively to rants and complaints from your children on how bad their teachers are, how naughty their classmates are, and how the big bully in class applied glue to your child’s chair in school, after which you are to give useful and constructive advice to ensure they are comforted. The husband will also occasionally go on a rant about his bosses and colleagues, and you are expected to lend a ear to ensure that he is able to sleep soundly and wake up feeling recharged and enthusiastic for work.
- Nurse (sometimes Doctor)
At times, your children may come home crying pointing to the wound on their knee after falling from their bicycles. You are to expect your husband to come home from a game of badminton limping after he sprained his ankle while trying to be a Lee Chong Wei. In these situations you are to help clean, apply medicine as necessary, bandage the wound and nurse them back to health. When they fall sick, you are expected to go to the Chinese traditional medicine shop to buy the ingredients for that herbal soup to expedite their recovery.
- Personal Assistant to Alpha Male at Home
Maintaining diaries, making appointments, managing travel schedules, handling your husband’s personal and business needs, matters, and tantrums.
You are expected to have funds ready anytime for your husband and children when they are running low on cash. You are not allowed to charge interest.
- Holiday Planner and Luggage Coordinator
- Good communication skills
Must be clear, avoid any misunderstanding and able to keep your composure. Required to have constant interaction with internal and external parties. Must be good in both verbal and written skills.
- Have pleasant personality and exceptional patience
Must be hard working, bright, attentive, polite, courteous, assertive, etc. If necessary, required to deal with irate husband and children suddenly unhappy for unexplained reasons.
- Focus on solving the problem before it gets out of hand
Requires clarity of thought, maturity and good understanding of the requirements of the husband and children.
- Effective time management and organisational skills
Highly organised, detail-oriented, handle work with care and accuracy with good prioritisation skills.
Must be highly adaptable and quick to respond to last minute changes and skilful in damage-control. Be ready to handle any task tossed at you by the husband and children.
Remuneration and Benefits:
- No salary.
- No appraisals or increments.
- No appreciation.
- No bonus.
- No promotions.
- Medical leave is strictly prohibited.
- Long term rewards only after years of hardship and dedication to the job functions above, and when your children grow up to become good and responsible citizens.
Every mother is a working mother. All the songs and poems in this world that we write about them will never be enough to describe their sacrifices for us. It takes much more than a day dedicated for them, or a dinner party, to celebrate their existence. Mothers’ Day should be celebrated everyday.
Happy Mothers’ Day. I love you, mum.
P/S: Thank you Padma Hannah Zachariah.
Jonathan Fun is an inquisitive, community-driven Malaysian passionate about current affairs, who never fears to be vocal and supportive for the right causes in society. An engineer by profession, he loves music, travelling, fun and adventure and finds immense joy and fulfillment in making friends and meeting new people from all walks of life. An ardent believer in moderation, he pursues balance in everything he says and touches. Follow his blog here and on Twitter @jonathanfun